Thursday, August 27, 2015


I don't think there's ever any human who goes through dating life unscathed. Of all the romantic battle scars we carry, the pain of WHAT IF, WHY NOT, and HOW COME are the ones that take the longest time to disappear. Unfortunately, Contractubex doesn't work on any of them. 

There's always the WHAT IF. The person you never confessed your feelings to, the one with whom a love story almost begun but abruptly halted. The ALMOST but NOT QUITE. The one that, you're dead certain, would have been THE ONE if you only did something, have done more, or did not give up right away.

Then there's WHY NOT. You know, the one with whom you can't begin something amazing with primarily because there are more reasons than Google hits when you type Britney Spears. Maybe it's bad timing or different priorities but you're just sure that if you had talked about it, you would have made it work.

And lastly, HOW COME. The one that just never happens despite everything you've gone through-together or not. The one that leaves you fallen apart, alone to pick up the pieces.

Unfortunately, more often than not, all three is just one person- THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY. The one that gives you chills when you wake up in the middle of the night- for years.The one you pine for; for no other reason than the fact that HE/SHE GOT AWAY. You always want something you don't have and if there's the possibility of it never being yours, the attraction factor just quadruples. It's like buying the lottery ticket- you know you have minimal to nil chances of winning, but it's the adrenaline and the mere possibility that have you caught up. 

But we do get lottery winners, right? What if, one day, you're that and THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY comes back and say something straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel?(Ugh!) When these things do happen, it's always unexpected and just when you have resigned to the fact that it's never going to come around. What to do?!

Life and love don't have to be dramatic- bawl-out-drag-down fights, jealous rages, etc- all are not worth it.

The one that got away is a stuff of legend and it's the quality of being unattainable that keeps you glued. It's an addiction- a high you keep on chasing. But highs are temporary and that thought is scary. 

because memories :)

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Why you gotta be so RUDE?!

I haven't blogged about my mental rants in a long time and boy, hitting the keyboard to translate everything I had to endure for the past two days feels so good. Cathartic even. Writing is cheaper than therapy, more wallet-friendly than shopping, and better for your mental and emotional health than going back to an ex or pining for the proverbial "One That Got Away”. 

Rude people are everywhere! 

And admit it, you have been rude to people too at least a couple of times in your life time. That's normal. We are not perfect; but there's also a thin line between having a melt down and having been born rude.

Four days ago a relative told me that I look like a "matrona" with my "fake" eyebrows and has been constantly insulting me since I arrived here in New York. She criticized everything about me; from my weight, to my past life mistakes in the most obscene and boorish way possible. 

my "matrona" eyebrows?

It didn't upset me at first, I was just annoyed. Annoyed because she's not even pretty herself, and she's also fat. Like, how can someone so ugly, afford to be horridly unattractive on the inside too? but it was all okay, until it was not okay for my mom anymore that she called the relative for it. The relative told my mom that she's just being HONEST. Then this relative insulted my mom, things got worse that my mom got really upset for days. That was when I got mad. No bitch, NOT MY MOM. 

I could not find an exact definition of the relative's actions, but the closest I can call it is RUDE. Now how do we distinguish RUDENESS and HONESTY? I can, at least, fill in the blank with my own definition: Rudeness - An act of unnecessarily calling out for people's mistakes and brag about everything but totally incapable of backing it up. 

People of the world, there is an excruciatingly big difference between being honest and being rude.

Being honest is being free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere. If you are an honest and sincere person then you are totally aware of your strengths, weaknesses ; assets and liabilities. You celebrate who and what you are, while inspiring others and appreciating them.

Being rude, on the other hand, is thinking you're better than everyone else; undermining people, talking shit about them and criticizing them unfairly.

Dear relative, if you're ugly and unaccomplished and has done a lot of mistakes in the past too, yet you criticize me for being the troubled teenager that I was, there is obviously something wrong with the picture. If you toot your dysfunctional horn, but have nothing to show for, you obviously have a problem- especially if you have a life crisis and solve that at the expense of someone's time and salary who paid your apartment and bills while you got busy saving your life problem that you created, I would shut up and walk away if I were you, you ungrateful evil person. 

The real problem is rude people act like they're the shit, when in fact they're not. I don't really like the Indian caste system, but this is one of those times, I'd support it completely. Darling, stick to the minor leagues. The majors are for those who went through so much to prove themselves. Yes, that means you don't have a feather right to be rude. 

It's always better to acknowledge what you can do and others too instead of bad-mouthing them. Just in case you haven't noticed, the people you're talking about don't give a rat's ass about you. Too bad what you're doing will merely reflect poorly on you and increase the other person's visibility. Unfortunately, there's no medicine for the insecure. 

What I like about rude people is that it's so much fun to see them crash after calling them out for their own BS. But mom told me "Ne, walay komo pagpakumbaba. Walay mawala sa atoa. Ang importante, wala ka nakapasakit ug tao." Yes, my mom is definitely right because she is the nicest person on Earth. But I am not my mom, and I am not a nice person especially if you insult me AND my mom several times. There is no way I can put up with that shit. 

The relative should thank my mom for making RESPECT an important value that my brother and I needed to have. Because if she didn't, I would have given her more than what I did this morning, that relative would have gotten a good whooping in her fat and flat ass. 

Wow, now I feel better. Thank God for blogging!

Monday, August 10, 2015

Dear the-one-that-got away

Dear you, 

For the last four years, I've struggled to get over you. I would often say "I am done" only to find myself relapsing after a while. I would always say I'm fine, but then find myself missing you. I miss you when I'm at MTS. I miss you when I see a red vios. I miss you when I see Mcdonalds. I miss you. 

I've dated people after the person I chose over you and I have broken up. I thought it would help, none ever did. When you came back and I was still with the asshole (the baby daddy who ended up lying to me again many times), I really hoped you had been persistent and you hadn't been so full of integrity.  But you, you are so beautiful because of your ideals. You would never break people up. You're just so kind and idealistic and you always do the right thing and that is probably why I fell in love with you and damn it, replacing you is quantum physics for me- and you know I've never been good at math or physics.

Did you really have to be what you are? You were the only man who was ever able to keep up with my stubborn, hyper, uncompromising way of doing things. I know I wasn't the easiest person to deal with, but you thought I was perfect anyway. I am a pain in the a**, but you delighted in that; because for you, "only Cassie rocks my boat". Remember when you said those words to me inside your car outside of my rented house? When you were so tired from work and you just had to see me to make you feel better?

You never disappointed me; although you broke my heart when you cut all communications, you jerk. I did not mean the "jerk" part and I know you know that. You could have waited for me, I just needed to do the right thing.

I hate you. I really hate you for setting the bar too high. You could have settled for being so-so, but it was not enough. You had to be pretty, flaming amazing. I can't agree with people when they say every guy cheats, because you never cheated. My god, you didn't even bother flirting with the countless women and fabulous gay people who hit on you. You held on to me like I am your most priced treasure.

I hate how you still  remember things about me two years after we last saw each other and you sent me an email, telling me to take care of myself when you saw me partying so hard and surrounded with not so real friends (You stalker). You really did take your time to know what I really want and my aspirations in life.

I have to resist the urge to argue when someone says no guy will take a single mother seriously; because you, you wanted to marry me. You wanted to take me to Manila with you and start a family there. With my son and you. But me and my stupid decision making abilities. I wish I knew better four years ago. It's funny how Noah's words are almost as exactly how you laid things to me when I had to make a decision. I am so sorry.

I hate missing you when I have a shitty day and it happens very often. I hate missing you on weekends and waking up at 3am looking for you. I hate how you could make me cry or smile just like that. I really hate The Notebook, Grey's Anatomy, Rachel McAdams, Ryan Gosling, Marco Polo Cafe, Spaceburger and Yellow Cab, because they always remind me of you. Of course, you ruined Paradise Resort for me.

Really, I hate you. I've loved you since I cannot remember, I am tired. As my friend told me, I need to get over you so that I can love again. How could I love again when I've always looked for you in everyone. In fact, when I saw you standing in the same boat with me going to the Statue of Liberty, I had to check thrice and check if its really you or just my imagination. Because what do you know, of all the places, of all the times, and of all the countries that we both could be in, we have to see each other there. Me, by myself. And you, with your wife.

She's really pretty, by the way. You've always had excellent taste in women. Thank you for not replacing me with a so-so woman. It wasn't enough that you took my heart away and didn't give it back. You just had to make it really difficult for me. I hate you.

I am writing this blog because I really want to get over you. I want to release all these feels right now because I couldn't stop crying, and I want to stop already. Four years is a long time. So after today, I will never mention you again.



Friday, August 7, 2015

My WCOPA 2015 Journey (Part 3): Competition Week

I've mentioned in my WCOPA 2015 Journey Part 1 blog that we arrived in LA on July 8. The competition week for WCOPA formally started on July 10, so we had the whole day of the 9th and the 10th to rest, stroll nearby Long Beach streets and adjust to the time difference to our delight.

Orientation and Registration Day: July 11

You know that feeling you get when it's the first day of school and you are so excited to meet your new classmates and when you finally meet them, you immediately take a mental note on who to bully, who to befriend with and who to not get in the circle of your squad? That is exactly what I felt when I entered the Centennial Ballroom of The Westin where the orientation took place. Along with Team Philippines, delegates from 52 countries swarmed the room. Team Philippines got its first medal that day for winning 3rd place on the Group Production contest.

Registration Day

Christian Bahaya of Y-Fi and Juliet Bahala, excited for the Orientation

Selfie for your life!
Team Philippines being awarded as the third placer for group production. Yay! 

After the program, WCOPA officials handed us our handbooks and yearbooks. Since there were a lot of us, it took some time to distribute the kits which was good because I got to meet and befriended delegates from other countries.


Puerto Rico




New Zealand, who are Filipinos btw! :)


with my WCOPA kit and yearbook

Parade of the Nations: July 12

This day was nothing but fun! Aside from having Mr. Jed Madela himself, being the main performer for the program and 5th Gen pumping up the crowd with their awesome number, Philippines bagged 2nd place for the Best in National Costume. Other countries also showcased their national costumes. They were really fun to watch.  

5th Gen with Jed Madela

5th Gen on stage


One of the best Filipiniana gowns I've seen worn by fellow delegate from Manila and  Gold medalists, Princess

with the very beautiful Stella from New Zealand :)

Pueto Rico bagged the best National Costume 


with one of my favorite people in the world and Davao delegate's father in the US, Sir Cacho

Competition Day 1: July 13 

My roommate and co-Davao delegate Juliet Bahala along with Rigel Micolob, Manila delegates and Cebu delegates ages 16-17 and 18-24 competed on this day. There were over 50 delegates from 52 countries for over 10 styles that it took the whole day for everyone to compete. I spent most of the day watching and supporting for Team Philippines but jet lag got through me by 3pm that I had to go upstairs and sleep. LOL. But Team Philippines was very supportive of each other that my absence was not a loss at all.

Juliet's outfit for her winning performance in opera style design by Mr. Benjie Panizales

Rigel in her outfit for her winning performance in Rock RnB style

Competition Day 2: July 14

I finally got to compete this day and I was more than ready. My contenders were really good, especially Jamaica and Hongkong but I was very confident that I was able to deliver my styles really well. Our Junior category delegate from Davao, Jona Soquite also got to compete after our category who also rocked the stage.

I didn't have the time to take pictures of my outfit and I now regret it but I took a selfie right before my performance and this outfit was what I wore for my winning performance in contemporary style

Jona performing "Home" for broadway style

After our competition, the Philippines hosted the "Filipino night" or the Champion Circle Night for the very first time. It was held at the Worldstars Village in front of Long Beach Performing Arts Center. There were a showcase of Filipino Talents that evening. Davao's very own Zhalia, Y-Fi and Rigel Micolob were among the performers that night. Of course it wouldn't be a Champion's Circle Night without 5th Gen and Jed Madela who unsurprisingly wowed the crowd with their powerful voices and awesome production numbers.

Jed Madela

a very vague picture of 5th Gen's performance. Sorry, I just grabbed these photos from Rigel, so blame her. Hahaha!

YFi, Zhalia and Rigel 

The Ms. Congeniality awardee of WCOPA 2015, performing on Filipino night, Rigel. She's a crowd favorite!

Competition Day 3: The Semi-Finals July 15

Results for those who got in in the semis were scheduled to be released at 7AM that day so we woke up really early for it. Among the Davao delegates, only Y-Fi, Zhalia and Jona Soquite got in.

Y-Fi (Young Filipinos)
from left: Christian Bahaya, Darwin Divino, Jr Estudillo, Joemark Tumala and Archie Udaundo

from left: Jetz Tacsanan, Shaira Opsimar and Julia Serad

Davao Delegate's baby, Jona Soquite 

Although I am really happy and proud for my fellow delegates, I got extremely sad that day. I spent most of the day crying and eating Nutella. HAHAHAHA! What? I needed happy endorphins! Of course I expected to get in to the finals. I went to the US to compete and was aiming to win so my reaction was normal, really. But it only lasted for I think 8 hours because my lovely mom made me eat at In and Out burger (which is a California thing apparently) and brought me to Downtown Disney. And since I have shallow happiness, my day ended up really well in spite of myself.

me at Downtown Disney 

Only Y-Fi and Jona Soquite among the Davao delegates made it to the Finals which is what I am gonna talk about on my next blog. ;)

Link to Part 1 is already in the first sentence of this blog. Part 2 is poorly written because I was so tired the day I wrote it but I linked it anyway because I am classy like that. Hahaha!

photo credits: Abby Mercado, Rigel Micolob, Y-Fi facebook page, Zhalia facebook page