Tuesday, July 8, 2014

How To Be A Perfect Single Mother

I honestly don’t know! 

I am not a perfect single mom, I actually think I sometimes suck as a mom! I suck as a mom whenever I can’t be there for my son just because I have to work. I suck when my son wants to get my attention because I am too busy working 17 hours straight. I do sometimes suck as a mom, and it feels awful.

Kobe at 3 months
ootd: Pambahay clothes lol 

I know a lot of single moms who say that we shouldn't blame ourselves for every misgiving we make to our children because we can’t do everything. That no matter how often we put on our super mom suits, we just can’t be superheroes because even the best fall down sometimes. But for me, who else is there to blame? We were the one who chose who to father our children. It was supposed to be our responsibility to carefully choose a man who is responsible enough to raise a child, OUR child. And since we were unable to do that, then I believe that we have no right to cut ourselves some slack on giving our child the best and we definitely cannot blame it on the fact that their father turned out to be an ass. Besides, if you fall down then you are not the best. And I want to be the best for my son.

Kobe at 5 months on my 27th birthday 
my ootd blacksheep 
kobe's ootd gingersnaps 

These sentiments were awaken when I was not able to do my son’s project last week. He’s in K1 and their teacher required them to bring 5 cut out images of things that start with letter A on Monday, bring an object that starts with letter B on Tuesday and bring 5 cut out images that start with letter B on Wednesday. Simple projects right? But I was not able help my son make them.

I was too busy with work and with my starting business that I completely forgot to check his notebook for his daily assignments.  Though I was able to submit the projects on time, I still was not able to teach my son what images to cut for things that start with letter A and B because I was such in a hurry to submit it by 1PM so I did it myself, and why I hastily brought a bible on the last minute to their classroom for an object that starts with letter B.

The Bible that I brought for Kobe's project. 

Not only that, I had to find out on Thursday that Kobe was bitten by his classmate on his left arm the day before, that he was brought to the clinic for a tetanus injection and that it left a big mark on his left arm and I did not even notice that night because I-was-too-busy!

I cried for a good 15 minutes feeling sorry for my son for having a failure mom. I just couldn’t believe I oversaw those things. I felt like I was the worst mother on earth and asked myself why can’t I be the perfect mom that my son deserves to have? So I made a promise. I vowed that I should not let these things happen again. 

Here are 5 of the things that I am doing in my quest to be the perfect single mother for Kobe. I have been doing the last two already, top three were just developed recently.

Use Google calendar. I think we all take a mental note on something very important and think that we will remember it later. Well unless you are Bryan Mills, then do not make that mistake! Use a calendar tool that will consistently remind you on something imperative. I did that to remind me to check Kobe’s physical well-being and assignments daily. The tool has helped me a lot to be efficient not only to be a mother but also to be a good employee/business woman. My favorite calendar tool is Google calendar because I have an android phone. 

Not only will it snooze 15 minutes before the assigned time

It will also email you and snooze again every 15 minutes if you haven’t done the task yet. 

You can download it for free in Playstore. If you are an iPhone user, you can follow this instruction. I am pretty sure there are other calendar tools that you can download. For me, Google calendar works best.

Organize daily schedule. I use Google calendar of course. I have been doing this for a while now but only for work. But I found out just last week that it is also very important to set an extra time for my son. Being a mom with a home based job, this is a huge advantage for me because I can now set a time to be with my son at least 15-30 minutes in the morning without hurting my schedule.  I don’t know with moms who have corporate jobs but I am pretty sure setting a time to call the child/children or the nanny to check on them for 5 mins wouldn’t hurt either right? I set schedules for as little as “Ask yaya if Kobe took his vitamins” or “Check Kobe’s teeth if brushed, check ears and nails if cleaned and cut”.  I swear, it really works!  I now have the time to not only check on my son’s physical but as well as emotional well being. Organizing my time allowed me to set 6PM-7PM for a study time with him. Because of my busy schedule the past months, it has been very hard to find the time to put him to sleep but ever since I put a “son time” on my daily schedule, I am able to do that now too and it feels great!

Used the Google calendar widget as my homescreen just to make sure I am not missing anything. 

Write a letter to teacher. Last night, I saw my son’s exam results and I got a bit sad. He scored poorly on defining the parts of an ant. Out of 5, he only got 1 and it’s the head which is nice because a 4 year old kid should recognize an ant’s head, right? But I was surprised though that they had a quiz on something that was not in the pointers and subject discussions as stated on my son’s assignment notebook. So I wrote a letter to my son’s teacher

This would alert the teacher that I am keeping an eye on my child. Teachers usually favor children whose parents are well aware on their child’s activities. I got a text right after Kobe’s teacher received the letter.

Top priority. Who says you can’t have a life if you are a single mother? Who says you need to be “losyang” looking? Who says you can’t have a love life anymore? Well, a lot of people say that, especially the narrow minded ones. “Unsa mana siya uy laag-laag unya ang anak gibiyaan”, or “Jusko, perting pulaha ug lipstick nag two piece two piece pa jud, anakan naman unta!”, or worse “Haaay Ginoo, nag uyab uyab pa, maypag gi focus na lang niya iyahang time sa iyahang anak. Igata uy!” and other stupid things people say. Tell you what? F*CK THEM ALL! (excuse my French!)

For me, It’s only wrong when
  • You go out and you leave your child to someone who can't take care of them.
  • You have more time to party or with your friends than with your child.
  • You can buy a Mac Rubi Woo lipstick but not your child’s vitamins or milk or NEEDS.   (Good Lord!)
  • You spend a lot of money and time with your boyfriend (??) but you can’t even send your child to a decent school.
  • Everything else that doesn't put your child as your top priority.


As what I have said earlier, I have no right to cut myself some slack because I am now a mother and it’s a lifetime job, but it doesn't mean I can’t have a life or look good or be happy again either. But I always make sure that in everything I do, my son is always on top of my list. I was still able to travel to a lot of places but I make sure that I leave my son to the best person who can be his 2nd mom. He has a nanny that’s been with us for almost 4 years now and treats him like a son too.  

Ate Bebz and Kobe. Grabbed from Bebz's FB account. 
Kobe's white shirt GAP
Bebz stripes shirt DCLA

I still go out but I make sure that he has everything that he needs and everything is taken cared of before I go out to see my friends or buy something expensive for me. I have an amazing boyfriend who understands that my son is my FIRST priority and that he comes second. It’s not easy to find someone who can understand that, I am one of the lucky few. The key to this is to not do the same mistake twice. Your ex (your child’s father) should be a perfect example on who to NOT date. LOL. I remember last June, my boyfriend set a dinner with his family on Father’s day and he already told them that I will be joining. His parents are amazing people and the last thing that I wanna do is disappoint them. His parent’s house is an hour away from the city so it means that I would have to spend the night there. That same week, we just moved to our new house and the house is not gated yet. The thought of leaving my son with the two nannies overnight in a house without a gate terrified me a lot so I decided to cancel the father's day plan even if I already promised my boyfriend that I will be cooking dinner for his parents. Should he have done that to me, I would have bitched about it but he didn’t even budge. He told me that he already figured it out when he saw the ungated house and that I should watch my son first. That’s the kind of boyfriend all single mothers should have.     

Put down phones and gadgets. Face it, we can't serve two Gods. As what I have said, we can't be super moms all the time. So whenever I set a time for my son, may it be the 15-30 mins in the morning or an hour for study time in the evening, I always make sure to make it a quality time. I take advantage of the little time that the two of us are spending. I used to have my phone with me whenever we have our mommy and son moments, and I couldn't help but read an important email or answer my boss's sudden skype call on what supposed to be was a time intended for my son. As long as there is no important meeting set on the same time, then I should be safe missing that call.

Before, Kobe would always annoy me whenever I work and it used to upset me. But ever since I made him realize that there is a time for me and a time for him, he would now leave me alone whenever I am facing my computer. There are times when in the middle of my work time, he would ask if we can go to bed together and hug each other. He would eventually let go of me after 5 mins and say "Okay mommy, you can go back to work now" which is really sweet! 

Again, I am not a perfect single mom, but following these 5 steps made me feel like I have accomplished something as a mother because I can see it on how my son behaves. He is a happy, disciplined and sweet child.

my ootd: earrings F21, black sleeveless Bench,
white blazer Attitude, blue satchel + denim shorts + white shoes ukay-ukay
Kobe's ootd: Spiderman shirt and short pants SM Department store
shoes Gibi

I think all our children really need is for us to be there for them. To recognize them and to remind them every single day that they are the most important person in our lives by being there for them not just physically but mentally and emotionally.

Daddy's day with Kobe: Doughnut Making at Krispy Kreme
my ootd: black dress Soul, Knitted blazer Divisoria
Kobe's ootd: Gray shirt GAP, pants Grizzly

Attend school meetings, never miss their first day of school, attend daddy's day for them because after all, you are a daddy too! Make sure to have them prepared for the next school day, do NOT miss anything that is happening in their lives because if you do, you will never know why they suddenly became silent and aloof. You will never know why they changed and what happened just because you missed that single life changing moment. 

I want to be a good mom. I don't want to be a single mom who will ask myself someday, "Where did I go wrong?"

I am not a perfect single mom, but I want to be a perfect single mom to the eyes of my son. This is going to be a lifelong challenge but I don't care. With prayers and with deed, I know I will be okay.